NVC Nonviolent Communication Process and NVC 4 Steps

The 4 Steps Nonviolent Communication Process and NVC Consciousness beyond method or model

Nonviolent Communication often is described and perceived as 4 steps process or method or model of,
OFNR : Observations > Feelings > Needs > Request

The simple 4 step NVC process helps in understanding, learning and practicing NVC, especially for beginners. But Nonviolent Communication is integration of many things beyond being a 4 steps process or method or model.

The 4 steps (or components or focus areas) help in addressing primarily 2 Questions NVC focus on

NVC 2 Questions: Connecting with Life and Making Life Wonderful

At its core, in every moment, NVC tries to address 2 questions, (and can also be seen as 2 Step process)
(1) What is Alive? In me and others
(2) What will make life wonderful?

In addressing the question, What is alive in us or others, moment by moment, requires us to connect with body and life in it.

Nonviolent Communication Method of Connecting with Life

Human quest to connect with body, mind and life is not new. There are many practices, like connecting through meditation, breath etc
And NVC has its way of connecting with life by connecting with 'Feelings' and 'Needs' present in the body & life.

A core concept in Nonviolent Communication is that,
'Every human (or animal or plant) behaviour, everything we do is (or can be seen as) an attempt to meet some need present in the body'

For NVC, Life happens through expressions of 'Needs', moment by moment

For ex. Drinking, Eating for 'Survival', scratching head for 'Comfort'. exercise/activity for 'Health', building house for 'Safety', doing jobs for 'Sustenance', sleeping for 'Rest', singing-playing-dancing for 'Expression', 'Fun' or 'Stimulus', Yelling to find 'Peace', volunteering for 'Contribution', fighting for 'Autonomy' or 'Protection' or 'Power'.

When we look at or connect with behaviour of a human or living organism from such 'Needs' consciousness focus, we connect more with life in us and others, with a quality of connection, compassion and empathy.

While life happens, body goes through shifting experiencing, sensations and physiological changes identified as 'Emotions' or 'Feelings'

In the process of connecting with life, NVC tries to identify and connect with 'Feeling' that is alive in the moment.

Processing Feelings and Connecting with Needs

Receiving Feelings as Messengers or Signals

Just like sensation of Hunger or Thirst arrive in the body to communicate need for Food / Nutrition / Hydration / Water, or Sleep for need of Rest,
Similarly Emotions or Feelings also can be seen and received as messengers or signals communicating needs of body.

Emotions / Feelings happen in relation to Needs

Emotions or Feelings like Fear, Sadness, Frustration, Loneliness, Stress, Anxiety, Anger, Worry, Boredom, discomfort etc arrive when needs are not getting met, or from imagination that needs may not get met. They could be coming in relation to need for safety, security, understanding, respect, companionship, stimulation, rest not getting met.

Feeling like Joy, Excitement, Comfortable, Hopeful arrive when needs are getting met, or from imagination that need/s will get me.

Observations : Observing What Happened, What is Happening

Something is happening in our environment constantly. When I say environment, that includes environment inside our body or body cells, or things happening outside body.

Something happening in our environment may include something happening in our body, or thought we are having.
Or some event has happened like food got burnt, or work / assignment is yet to get complete, or there are clothes / bag on the floor or ball has entered goalpost.
Or somebody has said or done something

This something happening bring changes in our emotions, in what we are feeling in our body.

'Observations' in NVC are receiving or expressing as the things are, Objectively.
NVC Observations are - What I Saw, Heard, Remember without assigning meaning to it. Just like video camera, which merely captures visuals and audio, but does not make any meaning out of this raw data. Camera outputs what it captured. But does not make judgements like somebody was insulted, cheated or what the words meant.

What 'Observations' in NVC helps to do is, it creates shared understanding and safety, where dialogue can happen with less pain creation

Compassion is more likely to happen in the state of 'Emotional Safety' than in the state of 'Emotional Pain'

Requesting to get the Needs met

After describing through Observations What happened, connection with 'What is alive' is made by connecting with 'Feelings' and 'Needs' that have become alive in relation to what happened.
After connection, requests are made to get needs met.
NVC differentiate Requests from Demands. Request searches for strategies to get needs for all stakeholders met, which invites for creativity.

2 Parts of Nonviolent Communication : Receiving with Empathy and Expressing with Honestly

2 parts of Nonviolent Communication are,
1) Receiving others with Empathy
2) Expressing ourselves authentically with honesty